Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
