Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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