just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
