She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I wish there were birth control emojis
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
