he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
wow bdsm is so cute
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
