Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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