Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
