i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
