a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
