WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
