What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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