You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
