So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
