If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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