Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
