he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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