Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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