have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
