happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
