cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
