Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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