You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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