I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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