Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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