So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
