if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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