then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
