She said her name was "party"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
