Got a toothbrush?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
