highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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