so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
