We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
