is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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