The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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