this beer tastes like vomit already
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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