I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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