so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
