On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
