I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
