i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
