you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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