found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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