do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
