Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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