can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
