Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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