i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
