that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
