You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
