Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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