Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Sext me about skeletons
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
