Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
