meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Randomize
