my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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