oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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