Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
